just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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