Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
