First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
