tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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