It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
