im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
