Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
