Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
