even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
