He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
