bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
