Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
