If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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