i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
