So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
