yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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