sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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