It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
