Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
