Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
