I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
