Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
