you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
