I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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