thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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