oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
