My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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