Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
