Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
