we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
