The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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