my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
