so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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