he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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