I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
