first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
