After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
