It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
