That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
