I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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