Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
