AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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