If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
