Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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