If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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