Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
