do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
