Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
