I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
