never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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