Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
