this boner is exhausting
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize