I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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