i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
