Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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