there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
