Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
