he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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