why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
