Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
