just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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