God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
