And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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