White coat. Heels.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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