I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
