She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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