I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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