man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
