walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
