Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
