My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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