I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
