I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm bleeding and have questions
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
