yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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