Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's always time for handjobs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were trust falling into bushes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
