Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
