I hate your face
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
