Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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