hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
